10 Questions and Answers

1. What is homosexuality?

The dictionary says it is the condition of being attracted to persons of the same sex.  It is impossible to test for it.  No blood test reveals it.  No DNA proves it.  No physical or psychological measurement identifies it.  It is a self-identified condition based on a combination of factors that lead a person to conclude he or she is sexually attracted to the same sex.

2. Is homosexuality healthy?

No.  Homosexual relations are problematic.  Physically, there is a risk of contracting HIV.  Emotional illnesses are well documented in conjunction with homosexual practice.  There is a high incidence of depression and suicide attempts among gays, even in countries where same-sex couples can marry.

3. Are people born gay?

No conclusive proof exists for a genetic cause of homosexuality.  For a male, a combination of factors leads to the development of a “gender identity disorder” resulting in a masculine inferiority complex (the root cause of homosexuality).  Some risk factors, to name a few, for male homosexual development include:

1. Sexual violation or experimentation with men or boys
2. Exposure to pornography
3. Those with a personality temperament of being shy, timid, creative, imaginative in combination with any and or/all of the other environmental factors listed
4. Lack of having male affirmation from a father figure (most importantly) but also from other male peers and important male figures
5. Peer labeling/harassment (i.e. being called “gay”)

While there is currently no conclusive evidence that homosexuality is genetic, it could be proven in the future that there may be a genetic predisposition to a same-sex orientation when one is placed in an unhealthy environment.  However, being genetically predisposed to a particular behavior does not make that behavior justified, natural or desirable.  For example, one may be predisposed to being an alcoholic, obsessive compulsive or even violent.  These behaviors obviously are not justified merely because their manifestation may be caused by a genetic predisposition.  Undoubtedly, the environment plays a substantial role in the acquiring of a homosexual identity, even though science may one day determine that genetics does also.

4. How does homosexuality occur in women?

Female homosexuality is driven by many extrinsic and complex contributing factors each influencing a young woman to eventually adopt a lesbian identity.  Anne Paulk, cites in her book, Restoring Sexual Identity, that childhood trauma, including incidents of sexual abuse, gender role rejection, atypical childhood play patterns, damaged mother-child relationships, unhealthy father-daughter relationships, and personality temperament are all preceding factors which can ultimately lead to a same sex attraction.  Atypical parental roles, such as a stay-at-home father and working mother can also lead to the development of gender identity disorders.  Undoubtedly, female homosexuality is a very complex disorder often spurred by nonsexual, emotional, and relational deficits; however there is hope for a renewed identity.  Women are daughters of the King, whom he loves, protect and praises.  “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.  Charm is deceptive, and beauty if fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:29-30)

5. Must a person remain a homosexual forever?

Absolutely not.  As God’s creation, we are designed in His image.  WE have not been and never will be a species defined by our behaviors.  When we practice a certain behavior, we often take on the label associated with it.  Sometimes I get the urge to smoke a cigarette, even after quitting 20 years ago.  Am I a “smoker” because I have a temptation toward nicotine? No!

6. Will my same-sex desires ever completely go away?

First understand that the opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality, it is holiness!  We must not focus merely on turning away from homosexuality, but rather on turning toward the Lord!  Equally, know that a person’s effort to change, does not always predict their success.  Many people try for years and invest into a program only to continue to experience same-sex attractions.  It is not simply an issue of whether someone has tried hard enough, or has enough faith…although we must believe that God can heal and intervene.  In many cases, God does not intervene the way we expect him to.  We may not know why God allows a person to live with a particular condition, but we do know that God promises not to abandon us in our struggles.  Do not forget that in Christ, we are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) in the spiritual realm, in the physical one, we may continue to deal with temptation.  God is faithful.  He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it (1 Corinthians 10:13)

7. How should I treat my homosexual friend or family member?

Your friend or family member is a person just like you whom God loves.  They differ in one unique way.  They believe they need someone of the same sex to meet their emotional and sexual needs.  It is vital to treat them with compassion and understanding.  Whatever brought them to this place did not occur overnight, and will not go away overnight.  Be a good listener.  Do not be afraid to draw them out.  Get educated on the subject.  Words of caring and unconditional love can begin to work a miracle of transformation in their lives. 

8. Is change possible?

Without question, YES!  There are literally tens of thousands of other men and women who questioned their homosexuality and once they discovered a way out, they took it!  Their “discovery” was that homosexuality resulted from a “heart” issue rather than a “sex” issue!  Once they were able to discover that their homosexual pursuit was merely a byproduct of a lack of gender esteem, they were able to become whole again and mature into healthy relationships by increasing their gender confidence.  Change is not only possible, but it is happening for so many people globally that there now exists a world wide organization known as “Exodus International” (www.exodus-international.org).  This organization assists those feeling trapped by unwanted homosexual desires to walk in freedom from their homosexual struggle!  The freedom which allows for change comes from the power of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and secondarily by understanding the truth about the “roots of homosexuality”.  The existence of Exodus International is living proof that change is possible and it is happening. 

9. What does God really want for those in the gay lifestyle?

Initially, one might think that God wants immediate, strict obedience to His laws.  God wants out hearts.  That goes for all of us, regardless of our sexual orientation.  “Love the LORD with all your heart and all your soul and all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5) God, our father, desires to shed His love on us and spend time with us.  Sexual deviation from God’s word leads to bondage, self-hatred and pain.  God wants the very best for His children which is His truth.  Our own feelings cannot be trusted as a guide to truth.  Homosexuality is an acquired behavior, it can be unacquired. 

10. What are the characteristics of those who changed?

• “They have the right motivation – the hallmark of this quality is a “no matter what” type of devotion to leaving the gay lifestyle.  You must be desperate for change!  You will no find freedom until you find the fight of remaining in the homosexual lifestyle.
• “Their goals are different” – the only true goal that sustains the perseverance needed for this journey is summed up in one sentence – Obedience to the Lord!  The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality, it is holiness!  Those we must focus not on turning “away” from homosexuality, but rather on turning “toward” the Lord!
• “Their relationships are different” – one must have a strong commitment to healthy relationships especially in the area of open, honest and strong accountability.  James 5:16 tells us “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”  True healing is found in confession and bringing our weaknesses into the light, despite feelings of shame or fear.
• “Their actions are different” – Are you willing to suffer pain and fears that will accompany growth out of your homosexual orientation?  Are you willing to be “proactive” rather than “reactive” when it comes to taking an active role in your healing?
• “Their passion is different” – They rely on what God says rather than their feelings.  Their passion is to know Christ and to do what is pleasing to him.  They no longer place pleasing their fleshly desires over pleasing God.  Once they come to know the power of their relationship to God and how deep his love is for them, they will no longer accept the counterfeit!